Sexy Soulmate Series: Part Three is here, my dears! This post will explore the most exciting (and possibly most frustrating) part of the Soulmate experience – FINDING the right person for you.
If you are just joining us, it’s not too late to play catch-up! Here’s the Sexy Soulmate Series so far:
PART THREE: Finding a Soulmate (that’s this post)
Once you’ve done all the “soul homework” I’ve outlined above, and you’ve reached a place of wholeness and clarity on a personal level, you are ready to share that joy with your soulmate. Here are the top 5 most important points to keep in mind when looking for your soulmate…
1. Meet People:
Well duh, right?! But I have to say it because most people skip this crucial step. Or they give up their control and they assume that it will just happen TO them. You have to be willing to go out and meet people in order to find your soulmate!
You can’t rely on a romantic comedy scenario…you know the one, where the woman is walking down the street, stumbles and drops the papers she was holding, and a dashing young man comes to her side to help her pick them up. There is a very slim chance you will meet your soulmate this way. If you wait around for that to happen, lots of people are going to be walking all over your papers and you are just going to be left with a soggy, ripped up mess. Pick up your own papers and go out and actively seek situations to meet new people!
Now, this might feel a bit out of your comfort zone. Rest assured, I felt the exact same way. I’m one of those types of people who have a few close friends, but despise going out in big groups. I steer clear of large parties and clubs whenever I can. But after you’ve done the prep I’ve outlined before , you should feel much more confident in your ability to put yourself out on the line and try new things. After my Boy Cleanse , I felt a new-found sense of confidence and I was much more comfortable with meeting new people.
I remember I went to a movie by myself (which was a huge first for me) that was hosted by a film club. It was at an art house and I didn’t know a single person in the club, but I figured it would be a good experience and a way to meet new people. I ended up meeting a guy who had also put himself out on the line by attending alone and we started talking. We enjoyed the movie together and ended up going on several dates in the weeks after. Although things ultimately fizzled between us, that experience taught me that you never know where you might meet new and interesting people.
Putting yourself out there and meeting new people can be tough, but remember – you’ve DONE this before. Think of your best friend. You met him or her at one point in time, right? Maybe it was at school, or online, or through a sports team or club. Maybe it was randomly at the grocery store! You met them and you clicked and developed a meaningful relationship together. You can do this again.
Here’s something I hear all the time: “Now that I’m out of school, how do I meet people!? It was so much easier when I was going to class!” If you feel this way, I completely understand. School does make it easier to meet new people, but that’s only because it was a place that FORCED you to do the exact things I mention in this article! You were forced to go to a place where you had to actively engage with other people.
As an adult, you are lucky because you have much more of a choice in the types of people that you get to meet. If you don’t want to do the “bar scene”, you don’t have to. If you prefer to meet in small groups- you can. You might not have school as a crutch, but this only means that you will have to take a more active role in finding situations where you can meet new people. But that’s going to take some decision and action from you in order to make it happen. It’s like working on group projects back in school – but now you get to pick the group!
If you don’t feel comfortable actively seeking new people to meet, try putting yourself in “soulmate spaces”… Just like you met your best friend, put yourself in the “right place at the right time”, by joining clubs, going to parties where you might not know everyone there, or talking to the person next to you on a plane or in line at the store. By putting yourself in those social situations, you widen the scope of the potential partners you can meet. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to take action at first. Just put yourself in the correct locations to meet people, and your level of comfort in those locations will increase.
Sometimes, you don’t have to look far. Maybe there’s someone in your current life that could be a potential soulmate. Maybe it’s the cute girl that works at the coffee shop that you go to every morning. Or maybe it’s your friend’s roommate that you met for a brief moment as you were leaving his house. It could even be someone that caught your eye a long time ago (like in high school, or earlier), but you never had the chance to pursue a friendship or relationship. If you are a “chronic dater”, but you haven’t found the one yet, you might have possibilities in the friendships that you developed while you were in previous relationships. Now that you are single again, you now have a gold mine of potential relationships to explore! Make a short little list of people that you know who might fit this description, and think of ways that you can start to get to know those people on a deeper level. Your soulmate might be right in front of you!
Other great ways to meet people are through family and friends. Your family and friends know you well, and they are able to assist you in your search. They have the advantage of an outside perspective, which could keep you from dating the same type of people that might not have worked in the past. Plus, if they like the person, then there is a greater chance that you are bound to have something in common with their suggested match. It’s a great starting point, but the decision is ultimately yours.
Another place to meet people could be through online dating communities. I’m ALL FOR online dating. I always said, if I wouldn’t have met my soulmate at school, I would have no qualms with dating online. Online dating is a great way to get to know someone, because you can ease into the relationship. For all the shy people out there – it removes the pressure of having to speak face-to-face when you are just starting to get to know each other. Once both people are comfortable, they can meet in person and decide from there. You have access to MANY more people than you would have the opportunity to meet in daily life, plus many people join the sites because they are seeking relationships; just like you! Of course, it depends on which site you join. Looking for a soulmate? You might have better luck on Match.com than Tinder! Consider the source, and match your actions and intentions accordingly.
Online not your style? Real life matchmakers still exist! These professionals make it their business to find you a soulmate. Once they get to know you and your values, they can pair you with other clients who are seeking the same things. The success rates for matchmakers are impressive, so it’s definitely worth a shot.
But do you know the BEST place to meet soulmate material? The places that you consider joyful! When you are happy, feeling confident and radiant – you won’t be able to hide that inner glow! Any place that brings out the joy in you is going to attract positive people your way. Love to rock climb? Join a nature or climbing club, so you can share that joy with other people. Love your job? You might be able to meet someone in your field that shares your passion too. This is where your joyful prep comes in! The opportunities are absolutely endless!
2. Be Social:
Once you put yourself in a “soulmate space”, take advantage of the opportunity!
If you aren’t a naturally social person – I know this is asking a lot. But take baby steps. Engaging in conversation is much easier in reality than it may seem in your head. Remember that all humans desire to connect on some level, and your effort to approach another person might mean more to them than you could imagine!
If you begin to psyche yourself out, remember that you talk to people everyday – talking with a potential partner is absolutely no different. There is no need to put pressure on the situation – this should be a fun process. In fact, if the conversation comes easy – THAT’S how you might know it could be a good match!
If talking feels too much out of your comfort zone, focus on listening and asking questions instead. When I first met my soulmate, I was so nervous around him! I thought he was so handsome and smart and I felt like there was no way that he would have interest in me. That was my fear talking, not my heart. Despite my nervousness, I had a deep desire to get to know him and be around him. I would want to find reasons to talk to him, so I would always ask him questions to get the conversation rolling! That’s how it developed into a friendship, and a subsequent romantic relationship. Little did I know that he thought I was cute and he was interested in me too!
Which leads me to my next point – don’t EVER assume anything! Your goal is to get to know people on a “soul-ular” level, and assumptions could keep you from meeting some of the BEST people out there for you. If I would have assumed that my boyfriend was “out of my league” without talking to him or getting to know him, then I would have missed out on a love of a lifetime. There are no leagues – there are only people who don’t take the opportunity to get to know other people on a real level. Before you assume, find out first hand. Get to know the person. First impressions are crucial, but they don’t tell the whole story. I’ve seen people in my life pass up on WONDERFUL relationship opportunities because they made misguided assumptions and didn’t take the time to get to know the other person. If you think there is a chance, why not get coffee and have a genuine conversation? Assumptions can keep you from people that might be perfect for you.
3. Your Past Relationships Have Nothing To Do With Your Soulmate:
Have you had a string of relationships that ended terribly? Maybe you feel lost or dejected, feeling like THOSE people are the only types you are destined to date.
Well, I’m here to tell you some good news.
Your past relationships have nothing to do with your soulmate.
You aren’t locked into a “type” of person you have to date. If you’ve been dating the “bad boys” and that hasn’t been working out for you – try meeting other types of men. Break the cycle. Only with YOUR action can you find what’s right for you.
Sometimes we develop false ideas of the type of love we deserve. If we had several terrible relationships, we begin to blame ourselves for the outcome, thinking those are the ONLY type of relationships we can acquire. And that’s plain not true! You can break this cycle at any time. Your past is just a story and you are holding the pen to write a brand new chapter. No one is writing it for you – it’s all under your control.
If you don’t want to date another douchebag – DON’T DO IT. You can do better. The moment you settle for a merely okay relationship, you are keeping yourself from the soulmate love that is out there waiting for you. Everyone deserves to experience soulmate love in their lifetime. Don’t assume which people might be interested in you – you have no idea until you try. Trust in the soulmate prep you’ve done and know that you have all the time in the world to find your perfect match. There is no need to rush into an easy-to-find, mediocre relationship just because you feel like that’s all that’s out there for you. Save that time and heartache by focusing your intention on a partner that will love and respect you, no matter what. Someone that desires to you know on a “soul-ular” level. That’s the love that you deserve and it is out there. Don’t turn your back on that kind of soulmate love – keeping looking.
4. Date How You Like to Date:
This tip matches so perfectly with the idea of putting yourself in the right “soulmate space”. First, know what type of relationship you are looking to enter. Are you looking for something long-term, something that could potentially turn into marriage and children? Are you interested in hooking up, casually dating, nothing serious?
Those are two very different things. That’s like comparing the Disney movie “Up” to the Disney-stars-gone-bad “Spring Breakers” and saying they are the same because they are both movies! Usually, soulmate relationships land in the first category because they are based in something more than just physical attraction.
Know how you like to have a good time. If you can find someone who likes to have a good time in the same way, then that’s a good indicator they might be a potential soulmate for you.
Once you meet someone you might be interested in, make sure they understand your dating intentions. If you are interested in a potential relationship, and they are only interested in hooking up, your expectations will be skewed and you can get your feelings hurt in the process. Plllllleeeeeasssseee don’t think that if you hook-up with them now, that they will “see who you truly are” and will change their mind. It’s not your job to change them – it’s your job to be true to yourself and your own expectations.
Be upfront and clear. If they don’t match – move on. If your expectations don’t match from the beginning, there is a very slight chance this person is a suitable soulmate for you, because expectations rarely change without personal growth. Know your expectations and stick to them.
5. You Will Just Know:
This is annoying to hear, I know.
Before I met my soulmate, I would hear it all the time and I would get so flippin’ frustrated! My mom would say, “You’ll just know when you’ve found the one.” I trusted her, and knew she would never lie to me, but I had no clue what she meant because I had never felt that feeling before. That was, until I met my current boyfriend and soulmate and I just KNEW .
And the best way I can describe it is that you have to be in tune with your gut instinct. You know that feeling you get in your tummy that strongly urges you one way or another? That great feeling of certainty, of purpose, and of truth? That’s your gut, and it’s your most valuable and personal decision making resource.
One of the best ways I can describe the gut feeling of “knowing” is with one of my favorite things… food! You know how you just KNOW when something tastes good? You don’t have to think it over, or ask your friend if it tastes good, or pray to the stars, asking if it tastes good, right? YOU JUST KNOW – it’s that simple.
Yes, that tastes yummy – I want some more please!
It’s not calculated or logically decided. You would never eat something over and over again because it looks good or because someone else told you to. Once you try it, you know. And sometimes, food that you didn’t even think you would like, turns out to taste really good and you are glad that you tried it! (This is a lesson in why you shouldn’t make assumptions about people!)
Other times, food that sounded great on the menu and looked delicious in pictures, turned out to be bland. You can’t order based on looks alone! You could try eating something because someone told you to, but if it doesn’t taste good to you, then it will be difficult to keep you’re appetite for long.
A Soulmate is like your favorite food, you just can’t get enough! Your love for that food never gets old – you could eat it every single day and it tastes just as great as it did the first time.
All this soulmate talk is making me hungry!
If you are questioning your soulmate choice…I urge you to get back to the basics and follow your gut. You deserve a relationship where there is NO questioning; you know 100% beyond a doubt that it is right for you. A soulmate’s love is not hidden or questionable…you will feel it and hear it in your heart loud and clear! You will just know.
Finding a soulmate relationship is a joyous process.
If you aren’t having fun, then I recommend going back to Part Two of the series and spending some extra time working on yourself and your mindset. A clear channel to your heart and the ability to listen to your gut is CRUCIAL for soulmate success.
You are brilliant and fully capable of incredible amounts of love. It’s all within you, just bursting to share with another person. Your soulmate is out there, prepping for you too!
And one day, while going to a party or meeting some friends for dinner- you will see them. And what starts as a small conversation – filled with laughter and the pull of attraction – ends as a meeting with someone who you just can’t get out of your mind. And the entire journey for love will be worth it. And you will be on the path to getting to know that special person, so one day down the road, you will just KNOW .
How did you find your soulmate? If you haven’t found him or her yet, where are you looking? Share with me in the comments below!
Once you’ve found THE ONE, delve into how to Enjoy & Keep your Soulmate by reading the final installment of the Sexy Soulmate Series!